Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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