they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
