Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
