dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
