Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
