I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
