just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
