This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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