just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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