Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
