highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
