Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
