Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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