he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
