all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
