Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
there is puke in my bra ... again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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