dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i will never coherently bang her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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