Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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