Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
