if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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