Ambien. No doubt about it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
