Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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