Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
