Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Vodka?
Forever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
