he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
