i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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