i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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