Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
