also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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