No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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