Sponge bath it is.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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