my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
