Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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