I think I won the penis lottery.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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