have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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