I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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