He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
