this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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