is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
