community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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