I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
