We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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