Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
