But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
