Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
