the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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