Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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