I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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