you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize