In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
