Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
