Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
