There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
