need another drink. this is the easiest way
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
