don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
