i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
