Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
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so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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