Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My penis needs a shock collar
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
