I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
