4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think my moral compass just broke
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
