soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
